Do Ask, Do Tell

Jet lag starts our day extra early for us, which is fine because we have big plans. First on the agenda is breakfast and coffee. Fortunately, our apartment is just a couple of blocks from an impeccably clean and bright place called Loudons, which boasts a mostly house-made menu. Although everything they have to offer looks tempting, in particular the freshly made scones, we both order the full Scottish breakfast just for the experience. We are presented tidy plates of mostly meat: smoked back bacon, pork sausages, and the local specialties of haggis and black pudding. Despite their reputation abroad for being weird or gross, the latter two are both delicious and will become something we eat frequently on this trip. This is all served with a roasted tomato, a large flat cap mushroom, a tattie (potato) scone, and an expertly poached free-range egg, with a side of hearty toast. I'm unable to finish and am glad I have a lot of walking ahead of me today, otherwise I'd be tempted to go back to bed.

Full Scottish breakfast

Instead, we hoof it about a mile toward the city center where we'll visit Edinburgh Castle. We see it loom high above us well before we arrive and realize we're in for a bit of a climb to get there.

Edinburgh Castle from below

A long curving path and several flights of stairs finally deliver us to the castle gates. There, we're able to skip the long queue that is already forming at this early hour and present our Historic Environment Scotland membership cards for swift and free entry. After about an hour, we realize that this membership was a smart decision as hoards of visitors form massive lines and start swarming the castle grounds.

The Scottish National War Memorial, Edinburgh Castle

Cool hair, bro.

The Great Hall

Taylor guards the gate

The castle itself is not very large and, like most, is composed of several stages of construction, the oldest dating to 1000 years ago. We visit the various exhibits, mostly dedicated to the evolution of military techniques and paraphernalia (it is a defensive structure, after all), and take in the view of the surrounding city and North Sea on this bright, windy morning.

A trebuchet

Edinburgh from the ramparts

Just a couple kids outside the Governor's House

After about two hours, we've had our fill and exit the castle grounds, winding our way through the tourist-heavy streets and past the typical tourist trap gift shops and cafes. Despite the garish chintz in all this, Edinburgh's stony architecture keeps things quaint and attractive. 

Glorious Edinburgh

Taylor in Edinburgh

After a bit of nosing around, we map our way back to the apartment for a change of clothes and a rest. We've got an engagement at the theatre!

Modeling the 'fit

Vogue

On today's agenda is an afternoon matinee of The Book of Mormon, which has just opened in Edinburgh this week. We've both been wanting to see it for some time and were hoping to take in some arts and entertainment while here, so why not? We gussy ourselves up and catch an Uber, which psychotically races us back into the city center to the Edinburgh Playhouse. The doors have just opened, so we shuffle across the red-carpeted lobby and find our very good seats in the seventh row, nearly centered with the stage.

The set for The Book of Mormon

What ensues next is three hours of the only type of musical theatre I'm willing to endure: an auditory and choreographic feat of raunch, perversion, and blasphemy. The performers were fantastic and I smiled and laughed the whole way through, as did everyone else in the room. My face hurt when it was all over. I encourage everyone to attend a performance, if they can. As we exit the theatre, an actual Mormon missionary bellows an offering to teach people the "real" story.

By the time we get out of the play, our bodies have finally digested the morning's pile of meat and we are hungry again. Right next door to the theatre is CC Blooms, a gay bar named after Bette Midler's character in the 1988 movie Beaches. It is a comfy, friendly place with fun decor, good music, and decent food. As I have seen trending all over Edinburgh since my arrival, it too has a number of vegan-friendly options. To counteract the pile of meat I had for breakfast, I order a vegan entree of a faux chicken burger and fries. It is just what the doctor ordered. 

Contemplating the menu

Stylin'

After a good, long leisurely time, we decide to visit another gay bar, the Habana, just two doors down. The DJ is blaring disco, which begins to overwhelm the senses before we even cross the threshold. As we walk in, all heads turn to look at handsome Taylor. I am one of exactly two women in this establishment. A very friendly, very inebriated man about 20 years our senior immediately engages us and buys the first round. Another man about his same age happily dances by himself nearby. The atmosphere is lively, so we sit and people-watch for a while, doing our best to yell over the blaring music. My voice goes hoarse rather quickly, so we decide to move on.

A short walk away down a quiet park-lined drive is another gay establishment called The Regent. Taylor has told me that it has won awards for best pub in Edinburgh and I can immediately see why when we enter. It reminds me of a cozy, artsy cafe in a college town, with varied and ample types of comfy seating. They have a huge menu of local, regional, and foreign ales, whiskeys, and liquors, and an impressive selection of non-alcoholic beverages, a full coffee bar, and snacks. The patrons are diverse, a good mix of genders and ages, and I feel right at home here. I order a delicious, Thatcher's alcohol-free apple cider that tastes of caramel and Taylor samples some local ales. We have a good long sit and then decide to call it a night. It's the first bar-hopping I've done in ages and I've had a blast exploring a tiny snippet of Edinburgh's gay scene.