Double Trouble: Mem in Paris

No that's not a typo. My brother and I call my Mom "Mem" the way Cartman does his and have done so since South Park was invented. Anyway, she and my stepdad, Michael, came to visit Charlie and me in Paris and we had a ridiculously good time and did a lot of screwing around and laughing. And for all those people who have complained in the past that there aren't enough pictures of me on here, lucky for you my mom LOVES to take pictures of me. Here's a summary of our shenanigans:

The day they got in I knew they would be hungry after the long flight so I got some French goodies from my cheese/sausage lady and bread peeps and we had a very French feast.

In their apartment with cheese and sausage galore!

Understandably, they weren't up for much adventuring that day so we let them get some sleep. Charlie was in the midst of preparing for his final cuisine exam anyway. The next day, we started it off right at a French café with coffee and croissants.

Sweeter than the sugar in your coffee

First things first, we had to see the most famous monument in Paris: the Eiffel Tower. The line to go up, even via the stairs, was as ludicrously long as it usually is, so we opted for the ground view.

Awww, ain't they cute?

Next, we metro'd all the way out to the edge of Paris to have a look at Château de Vincennes. I had been there before, but discovered on this trip that the Marquis de Sade's jail cell is there.

Le donjon for le naughty Marquis de Sade

Patwolling the moat

After seeing the whole castle, we watched some birds fight in close proximity to some teenagers who were fervently sucking face, and then we trespassed into the ministry of defense offices. As to be expected, this all made us extremely hungry.

Just across the street from the castle were several restaurants and we picked the one that advertised having beer. It was called "Au Bureau", which means "At the Office", which was funny because Mem and Michael always hang out at a bar called The Office back in Pocatello.

Working late

Sated with burgers and beer, we headed to the Pantheon to look at a Foucault's pendulum and the tombs of many dead smart guys and one girl, Marie Curie.

Someone else's family portrait

As soon as we were inside, we saw a guy who we assumed worked there meddle with the pendulum. He appeared to be resetting it to match our modern and inaccurate time-keeping system. Mem threatened to meddle with it too, but I advised her otherwise. After a look around on the ground floor we headed underground to visit the dead geniuses.

The last time I came here with Charlie's family I had wanted to find Marie Curie's tomb, because people named Marie are generally superior beings, but I was too sick to try very hard. This time, and with Mem's help, I located her, looked upon her and left. On the way out, Mem noticed several people sitting in chairs behind a barrier and wondered out loud what they were doing. I told her they were in time-out for touching the pendulum.

The next day Charlie was busy taking his final exam so I hauled the parents out to Versailles. It took us a good two-hours to get there thanks to the convoluted directions on the Museum Pass brochure. Again, I was horribly ill the last time I came here and had vowed never to visit the castle again (partly because the crowd was insane).

Michael keeps his cool.

"See these chicks? They're my posse."

The gardens

At one point as we were being herded through the castle's rooms, a couple of unruly boys were getting up to some mischief. Out of nowhere came an older gentleman who presumably worked there, who proceeded to grab the boys and ask them loudly and sternly whether they needed a bonne correction. The entire crowded room fell dead silent. This was at least the third time since I moved to France that I had felt punished by proxy. For the rest of the trip we all threatened one another with said bonne correction.

It was Day 3 and Charlie was done with school (I'll let him tell you all about it) so we were able to subject him to our tourism. We started out with a trip to the Army Museum and Napoleon's Tomb, where we saw pretty much every sword, gun and type of uniform ever.

I settled on this one.

Body armor after a cannon: somebody had a bad day.

Propaganda from WWII

 

His Royal Shortness: You could probably fit ten of me in there and it only holds his ashes (supposedly).

We were all museum-ed out so we headed down to the courtyard of the Hotels des Invalides (same building as the Army Museum) and happened across a military funeral. For once, the hordes of tourists behaved accordingly and everyone was silent. I think the person being carried out must have been very old, judging from the people in attendance.

After the hearse was gone we popped into the chapel for a look and then decided to relax a bit in the courtyard.

Punk

Loiterer

 

Bonne Correction, military style

Afterward we decided to rest a bit because we were going to go to the Louvre that evening, hoping to more or less miss the crowds. And I have to say, evenings seem to be the time to go because it definitely wasn't the complete clusterfuck that it usually is.

Pyramids

This is what trying to see the Mona Lisa is like.

Mem is happy.

We began the next day by crashing mass at Notre Dame. I felt a little bit bad about this, mostly because the hordes of tourists never know how to behave in such situations and I felt like a jerk being among them. Nevertheless, it was really neat to hear the bells ringing and the choir singing.

Charlie contemplates the bells.

I will, thank you.

Notre Dame's backside

Next we had an okay lunch in the Latin Quarter (one can only expect it to be "okay" because it is such a big tourist area), and then headed over to the Medieval Museum.

One guy was actually dressed like it was 1011. What a nerd.

Nice wood carving

Michael and Mem examine the stained glass.

I like this lady's face, but what's with the creepy dudes kneeling at her feet?

After that we called it a day and headed back to our apartment to have dinner.

Don't ask.

Friday rolled around and it was time for Charlie to graduate!!! We got all dressed up and headed over to the Cercle Interallié, a snooty dining club, for the ceremony.

Waiting around... in style.

That's my guy!

He got 3rd in the class and was the only male to do so.

Charlie with his fellow chefs.

The weekend had arrived and we decided to celebrate it by getting the hell out of town. We got up early and hopped on a train destined for Chartres, a tiny town located approximately 50 miles southwest of Paris.

The most impressive thing this town has to offer is probably its cathedral and it's impressive stained glass collection.

The façade was under construction, unfortunately.

The most complex stained glass I have ever seen

After we visited the church, Mem and Michael got the sudden urge to climb the bell tower...

... and this is what they saw.

They also took our picture... (we're between the two leftmost bushes)


... and we took theirs (they are the two figures on the left of the balcony)


Holding up the arch

Tour guide extraordinaire

A prayer labyrinth behind the cathedral

Next we had a yummy lunch of croque monsieur/madame and steak tartare and then decided to explore more.

The simple façade of Église Saint-Aignan

Its pretty, painted interior

Église Saint-Pierre

Yes, there's not much else to see here except churches. So we made our way back to the center of town, stopping in at an Chocolats Yves Thuries (M.O.F.) for some goodies. We also stopped in at a coffee roaster for a couple tiny French cups of delicious coffee.

Then it was cigar time. We found a place behind the cathedral where we were unlikely to offend too many people with our smoke and sat for a bit. We were all pretty tired.

Charlie and his ladybug snooze on the park bench.

We were all pretty tired at this point so we decided to head back to Paris. On the way back, Mem and I joked and laughed and practiced pronouncing French words badly while the boys did this:

From here on out, our daily outings got shorter and shorter. We had really worn ourselves out during the first week of their visit going to various museums and cramming in as much as possible.

What better way to spend our next Sunday than at church! This time we hiked to the top of Paris to Sacré-Coeur to take in the view. I managed to schedule our visit so that it did not correspond with mass this time.

The trick is to look over the other tourists.

We headed back down the hill toward the sexy district and on our way ran into this lovely little artefact:

Moulin de la Galette

The one and only Moulin Rouge! (and Michael)

The hike up and back down the hill was enough for that day so we went back home where Charlie made us a ridiculous complex and delicious meal of roast chick and duck. Thank you, Chef!

Lots of things are closed in Paris on Mondays so our options were limited for that day. We opted for the Bateaux Mouches, a long tourist boat (similar to the Ducks, except it is only seafaring) that travels down the Seine while a recorded voice tells you what you're looking at in five different languages.

We made the mistake of sitting inside for a good portion of it, thinking that it would be cold outside. Thanks to the boat's ceiling and the group of women chattering loudly nearby, we couldn't really see or hear anything about the sites we were passing on the way. Finally, we braved the outdoors only to find it was very mild and tolerable as far as temperature was concerned.

View from the river (of what? Who knows!)

Afterward we decided to go check out the Four Seasons Hotel where Charlie would be interviewing the next day. Needless to say, we felt underdressed even walking into the lobby and I half expected us to be chased away by security. On the contrary, we were welcomed warmly by the staff and allowed to take a look around. I guess you don't get to being a 5-star hotel by being a snob.

Having had our dose of feelings of inadequacy for the day, we headed over to the inspiring Arc de Triomphe.

Triumphant Mem

We all declined climbing the thing and it was getting to be dinner time, so we headed back to our neighborhood for food from the Auvergne region in central France. Just a few blocks north of our building is a nice little restaurant called Auberge du Clou that specializes in Auvergne cuisine. We each ordered our respective meats with aligot, a cheesy, potato-y bowl of heaven, and we were happy.

See?

Us too!

The next day was Mem and Michael's final full day in Paris. We tried (for a second time) to visit the catacombs, but the line to get in was wrapped around the whole plaza. We didn't want to spend the day waiting in line so we went to the Music Museum instead. I was in awe the entire time because it was full of things like this:

In addition to seeing instruments, your museum admission also gets you a free headset which allows you to listen to samples of each one.

"I want to go to there."

 This is for stretching your hands. I believe Schumann ruined his ability to play this way.

 This is not a joke.

 Mem and Michael dance to the rock 'n' roll exhibit.

Afterward, we went over to the Père-Lachaise cemetery for a look around. We grabbed a map and found Jim Morrison and Chopin, but we also found this tomb with arms coming out of it:

 Zombies!

We didn't stay long, and went into a little café nearby to rest our feet and have a drink before going home. Charlie was busy preparing boeuf bourguignon and we didn't want to get in the way.

The chef's neatly turned mushrooms.

After a scrumptious dinner we said goodnight. The next morning we went over to have coffee and croissants at the same café where the trip had commenced and where Mem and Michael had become regulars over the course of their stay. We saw them off shortly after. It went by so fast!